Ruining Someone’s Life Then Moving on to Pursue Your Own Happiness

I apologize in advance if this article alludes to only women getting their lives ruined by men. I realize that it can happen to men as well. Also, I realize that it is not exclusive to the heterosexual population.

It floors me that someone can intentionally destroy someone else’s life, then move on to pursue their own happiness with no regrets. Especially if it is their wife who is raising their children. Yet, this happens all the time, probably at least once a minute in the US. The fact that someone can revel in their deceit without any care in the world for how it impacts their spouse, kids, friends and family is appalling to me.

The thing that made me think of this was a recent Facebook post asking what song always makes you cry. Everyone posted sad songs about loved ones dying too young. My sad song is actually “Reason to Believe”, sung by Rod Stewart. Long story short, it is about a guy whose girlfriend lied to his face but he still wants to believe her and forgive her. I cry at that song because that was me many years ago when my serial-cheating, abusive husband gave so many excuses and lies about his behavior, then laid the blame on me for his cheating. After two children and thirteen years of marriage, I filed for divorce.

What really irks me about cheaters is that they do it behind their partners back, deny that they are cheating, and when they are caught, blame their partner. Maybe if the cheater was upfront about wanting to cheat, the partner would be relieved and say “Great, you do that, and I am going to go out with the hot new guy at work”. After all, it’s not like I didn’t have opportunities to cheat on my husband, I just never felt it was morally acceptable. Conversely, the partner might say “Great, you do that, and I will see an attorney and file for a divorce. In the meantime, get the f**k out of my house”. Either way, the person affected by the cheater’s behavior has the ability to choose for themselves how to deal with it.

In my case, my husband had significantly depleted our finances by taking out a home equity loan which was co-signed by someone other than me, and he cost me a lot of money in attorney fees for the divorce. The house that was mine before I married him had to be split 50/50, and the bills he ran up behind my back had to be split 50/50 (he had taken out joint credit cards in my name, but I was not the one using them). It took me many years to recover financially, and many nights the kids and I ate hotdogs for dinner, so that I could keep up with the significantly larger mortgage I had to take out to keep the house.

Everyone says that forgiveness gives you peace. I don’t think I could ever forgive, but I have forgotten over the years. In fact, at my younger son’s wedding, when my ex-husband showed up with his new wife, I didn’t recognize him because he had aged so badly. I actually introduced myself to him as the mother-of-the-groom, thinking he was someone from the bride’s family! To say he was shocked is an understatement! So maybe forgetting is the ultimate get-even. When someone is no longer a part of your memories, it allows you to let go of your resentment and find your inner peace.